the only thing that hurts worse than saying goodbye

The only thing that hurts worse than saying goodbye is not having the chance to say it. It’s been a pretty hard few days. I’m walking slower, I am unable to sleep, but God has given me strength. My help comes from the Lord. The Lord is carrying me through. God is good, and His love endures forever.
Ryan’s favorite color was green. Green is the color of life and growth. It doesn’t seem right to move on when Ryan is done with it all. No more birthdays, no more laughing, no more jokes, no more music, and no more McDonalds. It will get easier, but it will never be the same. Nothing loved is ever truly lost. His memories are all I have left, and I'm so thankful for every one. Ryan will continue to live on in my heart.
Grief is all to often accompanied by guilt. I’m feeling regret for all the things left unsaid. He always seemed the cheerful one, if only I heard his desperate cry. I never knew. Faces hide as much as they reveal, and things aren't always what they seem. I should have told him how much I cared.

I am so proud to have been Ryan’s friend. He sent this to me just days before his death:
We are Friends, I got your back, You got mine, I'll help you out anytime! To see you hurt, To see you cry, Makes me weep, And wanna die. And if you agree, To never fight, It wouldn't matter, Whos wrong or right. If a broken heart, Needs a mend, I'll be right there, Till the end. If your cheeks are wet, From drops of tears, Don't worry, Let go of your fears. Hand in hand, Love is sent, We'll be friends, Till the end!!!!
Ryan Nolan, ya goof, we will be friends, until the end.

I lift my eyes up
Unto the mountains
Where does my help come from??
My help comes from you
Maker of heaven
Creater of the earth

Oh how I need you Lord
You are my only hope
You are my only prayer
So i will wait for you
To come and rescue me
To come and give me life
[Kutless]

Tell the ones you love just how much you care. Never hold a grudge and always forgive.

To Ryan:
Because by what you imparted
In our short time together
Will last in my heart
Forever and ever.
Feel peace that your love continues on
What was given and taught to me, will be given and taught to mine
Cause you live on in me even after you have gone.