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Wednesday, July 06, 2011

My Decision to Trust

I have been worried for some time about how Titus and I are not only going to raise enough support to live in Cambodia, but how we are even going to earn enough to live on our own in the States.
After five weeks of searching and submitting thirty-five (35!) applications, I finally found a job that pays only minimum wage, but offers 40 hours a week. For the most part, I have been content where I am.

That is... until I got a call two weeks ago regarding my application to be a waitress at Bob Evans. What a perfect opportunity! I had no intentions of quitting work at the cemetery, but working an evening and weekend shift at Bob Evans and adding $$$ to our savings. I had two great interviews, and I was asked to schedule a third interview. After the second interview, I was confident that I would get the job; I even memorized the menu!

Then on the morning of interview #3, I woke up feeling incredibly stressed and overwhelmed. Something wasn't right. I opened my Bible to have my devotions and my reading of the day from Proverbs was Proverbs 3:5,6.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.

The job I have now at the cemetery is only temporary, and I have been so worried/stressed/anxious about finding another job when this job ends in September. On the morning of interview #3, I realized that I don’t trust God to provide another job [even though He was faithful to provide this job, just when I needed it!]

So I prayed and [somehow] worked up the guts to call and cancel my third interview.

Maybe God provided this restaurant job opportunity now to test me – to see if I still have faith in His provision; to see if I will still be faithful to be involved in the ministry now, or if I am too concerned about the future.

I have been selfish to think that NOW is only a time to prepare for a future of ministry and being used. God is requiring so much more of me NOW. I have been too blind to see that, because I have been looking at me and my own needs. While my intentions have been good – to prepare myself for a strong future ministry – the result has been what I believe is not the direction that God wants me to be walking in.

I believe He will provide (both now and later,) but I can’t honestly say that my belief has completely transformed the way that I am thinking and making decisions. If I trust that God will provide a job later, why am I worrying about finding one now? So I still have some fear and hesitations.

I am not going to get a second job; instead, I am going to look for places where I can be used by God.   Please pray that my belief in God’s provision will help me to make better decisions and worry less.

Love love love, Jewel

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